Dumb Luck With Droids
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: Can Roger Wilco find the right droid to impress his girlfriend and his crew? Will his usual dumb luck get him in trouble, or will he score big? Roger makes a trip to his favorite droid store, Droids B' Us. Set just after Space Quest 5.


**A/N: **I haven't played _Space Quest 5_, so I don't have a perfect handle on the personalities of Beatrice C. Wankmeister or Roger's crew on the SCS Eureka; some may be slightly OOC. The droids in this story are based off of a couple of droids from _Star Wars._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Space Quest_; Sierra Inc. and the Two Guys From Andromeda, Mark Crowe and Scott Murphy, created and own it.

* * *

Roger Wilco, space explorer extraordinaire, low-life janitor, and all around good guy, was on the planet Kerona. He had returned to the settlement of Ulence Flats for a visit to the retail store, Droids B' Us, where he had once purchased a pilot droid to help him fly a ship off of Kerona. He was looking for a certain kind of droid to give to his new girlfriend, Beatrice, for usage on the refuse disposal ship, the SCS Eureka.

He walked inside the old droid shop and saw its owner and proprietor, Gerry Giraffazoid, standing by to serve customers. "Hello, and welcome to Droids B' Us," he said pleasantly.

"Hey, Gerry," said Roger, "remember me? I'm Roger Wilco."

Gerry looked hard at him. "No, can't say that I do."

Roger was surprised. "I bought a pilot droid here once, a few years back," he said.

Gerry shook his head. "Nope, I still don't remember you, mister," he said, "But you sure look like a dope to me."

Roger felt self-conscious, like he always did when someone deliberately put him down.

"Well, anyway," said Roger, "I came to look for a useful droid to give my new girlfriend, Beatrice Wankmeister, as a romantic present. We're starting our dating relationship today, and I want to get her something good."

"I see," said Gerry. "Well, I have a lot of cute droids here that can please a lady any day. How many buckazoids have you got?"

"I have some," said Roger.

"Hmm, some," mused Gerry. "Do you have a discount coupon?"

"Yes, I do," said Roger, "I always carry one around whenever I can."

"Then maybe you'll like one of the droids we have for sale," Gerry said, leading him up to the balcony where there was a big sign that said, "SALE."

"There's this timid little guy here; he's called U9-C4. Brand new. He supposedly came here through a time warp from another galaxy, and he's supposed to fix things, like spaceships and starfighters. He's also quite a good pal for anyone who will take care of him. He even has his own laser cutter that can slice through any material he encounters, though be careful if the recoil sends him flying, because he often forgets to put himself in a locked position. He's yours at 35 buckazoids with the coupon."

Then Gerry gestured to another droid, which had a slightly feminine appearance, and said, "This one is WA-8, a waitress droid. She's a relic-I mean an _antique_. See, how she moves around on a unicycle? She serves food and drinks in restaurants, diners, or even just your own private kitchen at home. She also has a chipper personality, endearing her to many people. She's yours at 25 buckazoids with your coupon."

Roger thought about it. "Hmm…" he said to himself, "I think the SCS Eureka needs a waitress to serve the crew better. Yes, that way, people won't have to go walking or floating around for their meals in the mess hall so much, and it's also the cheaper droid. Besides, Beatrice really could use a woman's touch, and this droids looks feminine and has feminine programming." He turned to Gerry and said, "I'll take WA-8 for 25 buckazoids and this coupon!"

Gerry counted the money and examined the coupon. "Yup, everything checks out. Sure thing, Mr. Wilco, she's all yours." He switched on the waitress droid and set her programming so that she would follow and obey Roger.

"Nice to meet you, sir," she said in a loud, female voice that sounded like a cross between organic and metallic.

"Same here, WA-8," said Roger politely. "Come on, I have a ship, a crew, and most of all, a girlfriend who is soon going to be your new mistress!"

"I'm right behind you, Mr. Roger Wilco," said the droid, wheeling close behind him as he went back to his ship and flew back to the Star Confederation.

But as they left, Gerry and Roger suddenly noticed that U9-C4 had sprung a piece of his motivator, rendering him all but useless until he could be repaired.

"Oooh," Gerry said, "I hadn't seen that one coming. I think you just had some dumb luck sir, buying the antique droid instead of the new one."

"Yeah, I get a lot of dumb luck in my adventures," said Roger, staring at U9-C4 with surprise. He finally left with his new droid while Gerry set about calling in a repair team to fix the broken droid.

* * *

Roger soon brought WA-8 back to the Eureka, and introduced her to his crew. "This will be your new waitress droid, boys and girls. She'll make things a lot easier in the mess hall, I assure you."

They all stared at the droid, and then at Roger.

"What? You got this thing, this _relic_, to serve onboard this ship?" asked Flo, "On a ship as respectable as one owned by the Star Confederacy? Typical Captain Wilco, always doing stupid things!"

"Where did you get that darn thing, anyway?" demanded Droole, "A yard sale? I could find a better droid for this crew in a cat litter!"

"Looks like I have another thing I have to repair from time to time," groused Cliffy.

Roger was let down. As usual, he had screwed up in the eyes of people who were supposed to respect him, people who were supposed to be his friends. He began to wonder why he even got up that afternoon on the _Arcada_ so long ago, when he faced the Sariens. He also wondered if he would have been better off taking his chances with U9-C4, broken motivator or no.

Just then, a beautiful young woman stepped into the chamber. She greeted Roger, "Hi, Roger! Good to see you're back! What's that?" she asked, pointing to WA-8.

"Oh, uh," said Roger haltingly, "That's just something… I got her to be another member of the crew, and I thought, oh, I don't know-"

"It's a gift for me, Roger?" said Beatrice. She beamed warmly. "I always wanted a droid that can serve food and drink in a StarCon starship! Oh, I'm so lucky! Let's get her set up right away!" She turned to the crew. "Everybody, say hello to your newest crew member, WA-8! She's going to be serving snacks, rations and drinks on board the Eureka, and I'd like you all to give her and the good man who found her, Captain Roger Wilco, a nice round of applause!"

She clapped. The crewmembers clapped, very reluctantly, feeling like they were in a dream with the bogeyman and there was no escape.

"Say, Roger," said Beatrice, "when our shifts are over, how about we drop by Xenon and go to the Soft Rock Café for a little quiet time together? I'd say I'm ready to start dating you officially."

"Why, sure, Beatrice," said Roger, blushing in front of the crew, "Let's start tonight."

"Oh, thank you, Roger!" Beatrice kissed him quickly, and walked with WA-8 to show her what her new duties were going to be on the SCS Eureka.

_Hmm,_ thought Roger, _maybe my dumb luck will _always _turn out for the better._

Then he noticed the withering looks of his crew. They looked as unenthusiastic as ever to have him as their captain. Roger shied away from them for a while to let them talk about his stupidity without him around, something he could never help anyway.

_Oh, well, at least Beatrice is satisfied. And she was the primary person I wanted to please today._

And as he heard the crew talk amongst themselves about his said stupidity, he thought…

_Once a dummy, always a dummy, just like once a janitor, always a janitor._


End file.
